‘It was really only a matter of time before some of the wheels started to come off of the cart’
Below is another of Paul Dowbekin’s Victim Personal Statements:
The crimes that Paul committed all these years ago have regrettably not stayed in the past. For him they were a quick, disposable and supposedly innocent, way of doing what he wanted. For me though, it is a callous act that stays with me with me every day.
Ascribing my adolescent self-worth to the seedy and cruel crimes of a man who was supposed to look after me. A man who on more than one occasion helped me out, but only as a masked attempt to get away with what he was doing tends to play on one’s ability to think positively about themselves, and it has affected me in a variety of ways.
The most obvious, and thankfully repaired example, is my spiral down in to alcohol and drug abuse. Having had my childhood years taken away from me, at the hands of Paul, a man who wanted to put a pre-adolescent boy in a sexually mature environment, it was really only a matter of time before some of the wheels started to come off of the cart. Although that was a primary example of how what you did affected me, the harder one for me to have to deal with, and still do on a regular basis, is that, having had to keep what you did a secret from everyone for such a long time, I find it incredibly hard to tell the truth, to anyone, about anything. My frame of reference for honesty is completely out of kilter all because of having to be dishonest for my whole life, whenever anybody asked if I was okay, or if I was feeling good. All I could do was lie, because I wasn’t feeling happy.
My life has changed so much since you came in to it; the relationships with my family, marred by bad behaviour, the relationships with girlfriends and friends, marred by an inability to be honest, due to a lack of self-confidence, and also, I guess, I have just become well practiced. Quite how, considering your history of ‘forming inappropriate relationships with young male students’, you were hired by a school I will never know. But I am glad to know that you won’t be able to do what you did to me to any other people, ever again.
I hope that some good can come from this situation. I know that this can now, for me, and the others, be a real line drawn under everything and we can all just move on with our lives. A luxury that I often feel was not at my disposal throughout the last decade or so. I wish all your other historic favourites the best with their lives moving forward, knowing that everything can now get a little bit easier.